With the calendar hitting March last week, most of my close friends are starting to think about getting their beach bodies in order for the summer.  There’s only three more months before it’s officially beach season so I guess it makes sense to be exercising and eating healthy.  Actually, that sentence made no sense.  I’ve never once dieted or worked out based on trying to look good for the summer.  But just the other day, someone suggested that I start doing the “Paleo Diet.”  First of all, that’s the nicest way anyone’s ever called me fat.  It’s even nicer than when I went to buy a suit a couple months ago and the guy at Men’s Wearhouse looked at me in the mirror and said, “He’s just like me…a little happy in the middle.”

Anyway, why the paleo diet, right?

First, let’s make sure we all understand exactly what this diet entails.  Paleo is short for paleolithic, which was apparently an era that ended about 10,000 years ago.  This diet is also referred to as the caveman diet.  I’ll be honest, the person who suggested this almost had me convinced when she mentioned caveman and then sold it as, “you just have to eat a lot of meat.”  It boils down to only being allowed to eat things that could be “hunted” or “gathered’ since people of the paleolithic times were known as hunter-gatherers.  No grains, dairy products, processed stuff or refined sugars allowed.

Sounds like a decent diet, right?  Well according to my in-depth research, in back-to-back years, a group of scientists have ranked the paleo diet as the worst diet in terms of health, weight-loss and ease of following (Basically the Big Mac Diet is more effective).  My guess is that it’s become trendy because being on this diet allows you to say you’re only eating natural food.  Good luck eating that salad without any dressing, bro (not even oils are allowed technically under this diet).

Which brings me to my final point…if you’re gonna suggest I do a certain diet, it’s probably wise to know which diets I’ve tried in the past.  This is a good indication of the type of diets I might be willing to try in the future.  Here you go:

-The “all waffle with syrup on the side diet” (ages 5-7)

-The “all peanut butter & jelly diet” (ages 8 – 10)

-The “all pizza as long as the cheese is completely covering every inch of sauce diet” (ages 10-13)

-The “all chinese food and Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups diet” (ages 14-18)

-The “all beef jerky and pre-made italian sub from Store 24 diet” (ages 18-22)

-The “all ice cream diet” (I haven’t started this one yet, but thinking about implementing it for most of my 30’s)

Obviously my previous forays into dieting don’t set me up for success with the Paleo diet.  So I’ll leave it up to you, dear readers.  Vote for whether I should try this diet in the poll below.