We’re trying a new reward and punishment system with Molly because the traditional way—chocolate ice cream when she’s good and slaps across the face when she’s bad—doesn’t seem to be working. From now on when she’s a good little bitch, she gets to wear the coolest shirt a dog’s ever worn:

And when she feels like being a piece of shit? The CONE OF DEATH!

And yes, that’s a piece of orange freeze pop in her mouth…someone had to undermine my punishment with an uncalled for reward.

Another reason to get away from rewarding her with food, other than the fact that it’s ineffective, is because I’m sick of giving Molly the heimlich maneuver every night.