Worst Invitation Ever

Posted on by friedchips

[Editor-in-Chief’s Note: the following blog was written by Friedchips (terrible name), who may or may not be a part time contributor to this publication–we’ll see if he can find time to get away from his busy schedule of fake-pretending to care about all of God’s creatures.  Rather than post a rebuttal to some of his slanderous remarks in this post, I choose to move on.  Just know that he’s been practically begging me to start a new blog for the better part of a year now.  -Rmurdera]

 

You know how people always complain about this generation being an entitled bunch of douchebags?  Well rmurdera pretty much confirmed as much with that inaugural “blog post,” if you can call it that.  I freaking gave this kid his start in the blogging business.  I showed him the ropes.  I taught him the do’s and don’ts.  I busted his blogging cherry, or as I like to call it, his bloggerry.  Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day.  Teach a man to fish, and he’ll go upstream and steal all your fucking fish.  Bottom line is I bent over backwards showing him how to write and run an earth shatteringly awesome blog that never got the respect it deserved.  And what does he do?

He jumps ship.  He complains about the name of my blog because his feeble mind can’t comprehend the intrinsic irony of it.  And then he starts his own strangely titled blog and basically rips me to shreds.  Hates my name, hates my blog. hates my editorial decisions.  Did I delete one of his posts once?  Yes, but only because it made NO FUCKING SENSE!  If memory serves me correctly, his basic thesis was that people who volunteer their time and money to help animals are assholes because there are people who need help and they deserve it more.  By that philosophy, the police should only spend their time stopping murderers and rapists, and stop wasting their time on pesky small time criminals and thieves.  Heck, instead of wasting time writing this blog, maybe I should just use this time helping people in need.  I could be out helping some poor fool who has no idea how to run a blog or live his life….  Wait, I guess that is what I’m doing writing this blog.

Recruiting the blogging partner I’ve never wanted

Posted on by Ross Gariepy
Dear friedchips (seriously, you gotta change that name, but we’ll discuss my list of demands in more detail later),
Do you remember the time we started that mildly entertaining blog that as many as six people read infrequently?  That was pretty awesome (and in case all the bong rips in college wiped out your long term memory, here’s a link to that blog: http://thatssomeh.blogspot.com/)

Wanna give it another shot?  I’m not talking about a long term commitment.  We both know the honeymoon phase will be brief.  We’ll post some blogs in a rapid fire way for 2-3 days.  A couple friends will make underwhelming comments on our posts, and we’ll bathe in a tub of self-satisfaction.  But then one day I’ll actually do the work assigned to me at my job, and I’ll tell you that I’ll write my posts later that night.  But then I’ll get sucked into Shark Tank or something equally awesome on TV, and the posts won’t come.  And then you’ll cut your posting to once every two days, which you’ll say is ok because “at least I’m still doing more than Rmurdera.”  And that’s sad.  And then the blog is dead again.

But enough about the future, let’s dwell on the past some more.  We had some great times with that blog, didn’t we?  There was the time you censored my post on animals, and then the time you said you were censoring my post, but I hadn’t posted in 5 days so you had no choice but to allow it.  And then the time you publicly called me out for bitching to you about an editorial decision I didn’t like.  And you even told me to go start my own blog…warm memories that are right up there with my first time masturbating (joking about my first time being a warm memory–I was frightened that something was really wrong with me).

Despite what you might think, it wasn’t all that bullying from you that caused my disappearance over the last 10 months.  I think the beginning of the end came when you were unwilling to have an open mind about changing the blog’s name.  “Meh” by (urban)definition is an expression of indifference–used when one simply does not care.  In spending countless hours writing a blog about things that anger you or make you chuckle, you are by definition caring about those things.  If the blog’s title is hypocritical, what does that say to the readers?  Come here for your daily dose of hypocracy?

Anyway, enough of the past; let’s talk present.  If you’re willing to give it another shot, I can commit to you that I already have as many as TWO posts ready to go.  One is terrible, and the other is solid but I haven’t thought of it yet.

Here’s my list of Demands:

-I’m in charge

-I have final say on all content–because I’m in charge

-You don’t even think up a new post before you tell me what it’s about–because I’m in charge

-You will certainly never, ever, under any circumstances suggest a name change to the blog…your track record is meh

-While I will try my hardest not to post content celebrating the harm of animals, I reserve the right to do so if I think it’s blog-worthy…and you will live with it

-Change your blogging nickname.  Friedchips makes you sound like a wiener…you gotta try something that demands respect.  People see “Rmurdera” and they know if they don’t read my blog, their entire family might end up dead the next day

I honestly feel that if we jump into this with both feet, this blog can be a solid C-.If you accept, please respond with a blog post of your own.  If you do not accept, please blog that too, as it will double the total posts on my blog.

And if you’re on board, well, I’m gonna really need you to pull your weight plus mine this week as I’m off to Vegas until Friday.

Sincerely,
Your new Editor-in-Chief/Overlord