The Great Quake of 2012

San Francisco will be in recovery mode for a long time

Dear Bay Area,

Hi, Rmurdera here.  We need to have a talk.  I think we all need to come to an agreement on when an earthquake is newsworthy.  I don’t mind that the morning news mentions every time there’s a little jolt while we’re all sleeping, but to treat these minor tremors like high priority, press-stopping news is really fucking annoying.

Here’s the deal I’m willing to make: when an earthquake causes death, serious injury or property damage over $45, we can scrap the regular news for hours upon hours of “breaking news: special earthquake coverage.”  But in return, whenever an earthquake can be best described as “a 10 second jolt that didn’t knock anything over,” we’re gonna have the news anchor come on TV and say, “this just in: a 4.0 magnitude earthquake hit just now.  It was centered in El Cerrito…no harm was done.  Let’s continue on with actual news.”  And that’s it.

Otherwise we have a situation like what I witnessed this morning.  I woke up at 5:30 to the 10 seconds of shaking.  It seemed similar to the other 200 quakes I’ve felt in six years of living in San Francisco so I thought no big deal.  I go back to sleep until about 6:45.  When I woke up and turned on the news, I thought for a second that I had slept through a history-making quake.  We’re talking breaking news, geologist experts on the phone every five minutes explaining what happened, all of the station’s reporters being sent to random towns throughout the bay area to collect stories of all the horror that residents witnessed when the shaking started (“wow, so this bottle of soda slid right off your counter?”).  My god, it was such a huge tragedy here that one poor woman lost a whole container of lemonade mix when it fell off her shelf! (I’m not even exaggerating…KRON4 spent 10 minutes where the reporter scrolled through the station’s facebook page on her phone relaying what residents were experiencing, and sure enough, the biggest incident was the lemonade falling over…oh the humanity!)

By the way, the Red Cross has setup a website for anyone who wants to help out the people who have been affected by the falling lemonade and soda: The Great Quake of 2012 Fund

Not only did this earthquake not cause any damage, but just today there have technically been 12 earthquakes in the SF Bay Area.  Check it out for yourself: earthquake list for San Francisco.  Let’s say anything under a 6.0 doesn’t get wall-to-wall news coverage anymore.  Let’s save that for the real disasters.

Speaking of the real disasters, I don’t know if other Bay Area residents feel like me, but I’m screwed when the big one comes.  All these little shakes have conditioned me to ignore an earthquake as if it’s a rain shower.  When the 9.0 hits later this year, you can find my body under a pile of rubble, iphone in hand, mid-tweeting “hahaha, another little shake to scare the masses.”

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