Gambling Dilemmas, the Real New Al Davis, Norv’s Bet And the Rest of the NFL’s Week 6 in Review

Question for the gamblers: If you’re watching football with a buddy and it turns out he has a bet worth $1,100 that’s in direct competition with a $5 bet you made, do you mentally part with your minuscule wager and start rooting for him? Do you say you’re rooting for him and secretly hope that your side of the bet still comes through? I had this dilemma for the first time ever on Sunday, and I’d say it’s one of the few times I’ve ever started rooting against my own bet. Seeing someone who normally wagers in the $10-$20 range sweat out a game that would pay him over a grand was more than worth it. Besides, I win more than enough bets anyway. It’s nice to see someone else win for once.

And with that, let’s quickly review the rest of the shenanigans that went on in football on the weekend I made my grand return to Nkilla’s man cave in San Francisco:

-Do we think before the start of the season Norv Turner said to his wife/friend/confidant, “I bet you $1,000 I can lose back-to-back games in which we hold a 10-point third-quarter lead and still not get fired?” And when that person obviously balked at the bet because they knew Norv would probably do that whether he was trying or not, Norv promised to up the stakes by blowing a 24-point halftime lead at home? Because that’s what just happened to the 2012 San Diego Chargers. I’m holding out hope that the Chargers and Patriots face each other in the playoffs so we can finally name a winner for the “Which Team is the Worst Closing Team in NFL History” award.

-Going way back to last Thursday for a minute, I want to address the now-popular joke that Jerry Jones is the “new Al Davis.” The joke is that Jones is starting to look as old and decrepit as Davis did in his final years. Ummm, has anyone seen Bud Adams, 89-year-old owner of the Titans? I have to think he’s outraged about this oversight. Clearly he is the closest thing to dead as we’ve got in the NFL ownership ranks:

-Speaking of that Titans vs Steelers game, it was probably fun for Baltimore fans to watch almost every Steelers player walk off the field and go directly to the hospital on Thursday—giving Baltimore literally no competition in the AFC North—until those same fans heard the fallout from the Ravens/Cowboys game on Sunday. LaDarius Webb, torn ACL. Ray Lewis, thrown in jail for murder torn triceps. Haloti Ngata, possible MCL tear. If you can find a gambling website where the Cincinnati Bengals aren’t the favorite to win the AFC North at this point, bet it big.

-Part of me wants to predict that the Cleveland Browns will make an improbable playoff run because their division is suddenly a lot weaker with all the injuries. I’m not ready to go there with a 1-5 team who might fire its head coach just because a new owner took over on Tuesday. But, hey, congrats to rookie QB Brandon Weeden for getting his first career NFL win on his 42nd birthday Sunday. He’s got a long, brilliant career doing color commentary for college football ahead of him.

-Last week I discussed a never-seen-before play where the Browns’ Brandon Weeden tried to throw two forward passes on the same play. In this week’s installment of “I can’t believe they thought that play wouldn’t be an absolute disaster,” we have Tampa Bay punter Michael Koenen trying to save a blocked punt by throwing an illegal forward pass right into a defender’s arms, who promptly runs it in for a touchdown. Apparently it was ruled a fumble instead of a forward pass so the play stood (though clearly it was a forward pass). You can re-watch that head-scratching play HERE. It’s the type of play that should be accompanied by circus music when they show highlights.

-So Brady Quinn gets his first chance to play quarterback in almost three years. He’s replacing a guy in Matt Cassel who the Kansas City fans literally want to have a public hanging for, mostly because he had turned the ball over 13 times in five games this year. If you’re Quinn and you want a chance to keep the starting job, don’t you make sure that whatever else happens you just don’t turn the ball over in this first game? If it’s me, I’m saying even if I don’t complete a single pass, the fans will appreciate that I didn’t throw an interception. But no, Quinn had to keep the Chiefs on pace to throw over 30 INTs this year with his two-pick effort. This team is nearly a lock for the 1st overall pick in the 2013 draft.

-Speaking of turnovers, two more for Michael Vick on Sunday. He’s now turned the ball over more frequently than 20 teams have this year. But yeah, go ahead and fire the defensive coordinator, Andy Reid, that’ll fix everything.

-How are we supposed to rate the Atlanta Falcons through six weeks? Are they the last undefeated team that the whole league should be scared of? Or are they the team that needed last-second heroics in two home games against Carolina and Oakland just to pull out what should have been easy wins? Even their one blowout road win at San Diego doesn’t look as impressive now. If I was doing NFC power rankings today, I’d probably put the Falcons at #3, behind the 49ers and Giants.

-Best idea I came up with during 11 hours of football watching on Sunday: When the refs are announcing a penalty, instead of the hand signals they currently use to demonstrate the type of penalty, they should have to demonstrate the penalty on the player who committed the penalty. For instance, when calling a “leading with the helmet” penalty, the ref should throw his head into the chest of the offender while making the call. This could be fun for all kinds of contact penalties (pass interference, horse collar, holding), but it would be really strange for things like offsides and false starts. Let me keep refining this idea actually.

-If the 49ers aren’t careful, they’re gonna start to be just as owned by the New York Giants as the Patriots have been over the past five years. Is there a team San Francisco would want to see less in the playoffs than the G-men? All we can do, 9ers fans, is pray for another team in the NFC East to step up and keep the Giants out of the playoffs. But it won’t be Philly or Dallas. So I guess…help us, Washington Redskins, you’re our only hope??

-You remember that 4-0 cinderella Arizona Cardinals team? Is there any doubt in your mind that they’re now in the middle of a six-game losing streak? Coming off these past two losses, they now face Minnesota (road), San Francisco (home), Green Bay (road) and Atlanta (road). They’ll be 4-6 before Thanksgiving, and we’ll forget the 4-0 start ever happened…except for Patriots fans.

-I need to discuss one more dilemma, and it revolves around the Seattle Seahawks. Now, you all probably know the ‘Hawks beat my Patriots on Sunday in exhilarating, last-minute comeback fashion. But some of you might not know that Seattle cornerback/douche of the week Richard Sherman said ALL OF THIS about Tom Brady and the Patriots after the game. So the question is, do I root for the Seahawks to make an improbable Super Bowl run just so Brady can throw five touchdowns to the guy Sherman’s covering in that game? Or do I root for Seattle to revert back to the 6-10 team I know they are so that Sherman’s trash-talking fades into obscurity? Tough call, but I do love the idea of New England putting up 63 on Seattle in the Super Bowl. Go Seahawks!

-If you need to be convinced I’m not just the average football fan who knows nothing about these teams, go back and re-read what I wrote last week about these games: Pittsburgh/Tennessee, Cincinnati/Cleveland, Indy/NY Jets, Detroit/Philly, Tampa Bay/Kansas City, and Minnesota/Washington. Whatever you do, though, ignore what I wrote about New England/Seattle, Oakland/Atlanta and Green Bay/Houston.

-My record against the spread:

Last Week: 9-5

Season: 51-37-3

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