Rmurdera’s 4 simple steps to Valentine’s Day Perfection:
1). Celebrate Valentine’s Day on any other day but Valentine’s Day! Much like New Year’s Eve’s reputation of being amateur hour for people partying in the city, V-day is the same way for lovers. Reservations are nearly impossible to come by (especially when you wait until Feb 8th to start planning), and your favorite restaurants are overrun with newly-dating couples and miserable groups of girls who are completely faking happiness for one night.
Rmurdera took his girl out for a romantic dinner this past Saturday night. French bistro all the way…including a menu full of words that required access to google translate. It’s always romantic when you ask the waitress to explain the menu to you as if you’re a 5-year-old.
2). You need a post-dinner plan…and it needs to be more elaborate than “I hope she invites me back to her place after.” There has to be a buffer between dinner and what you think is gonna go down once you go back to her place. Why? Because if you’re like Rmurdera, then you forced your girlfriend to eat a 5-course meal complete with 2lbs of lamb, a bucket of fries and a salad full of bacon and other meats*. And this means she’s not feeling like immediately taking her clothes off…she probably complained about feeling fat before she even got 2 steps out of the restaurant. Find a way to waste a few hours before going home.
After dinner on Saturday, Rmurdera took the girl to a comedy show. Not only did this take care of the issues presented in the previous paragraph, but it also got her in a laughing mood. You see, the only redeemable quality that Rmurdera has in his bag of tricks is an average sense of humor. Therefore, by getting the girl in a laughing mood, it was easier to make her laugh at his lame jokes. Somehow this makes him seem even more charming, and ultimately more desirable.
3). What happens next? Well you’ll have to use your imagination. If Rmurdera told you about how his Saturday night ended, he’d have to put a disclaimer on this site saying: “You must be 18 years old or older to continue reading. Please enter your birth date for access.”
4). Don’t completely ignore actual Valentine’s Day. Only an idiot would do that. Even though you’ve already become a champion V-day celebrator, she’s still hoping you’ll do something cute for her on the actual day.
Rmurdera is having the girlfriend over tonight for some homemade pizza and quality time with him & his 2 weird roommates.
Hope this helped…Rmurdera’s off to go find a homeless-looking vendor for some last minute flowers & chocolate.
* This is a gross exaggeration of what my girlfriend ate on Saturday…and this clarification should help me not get the silent treatment later tonight.