Is your google search history as ridiculous as mine?

When a blogger runs out of original ideas for posts, he inevitably falls back on creating a list.  Lists are easy to make, and everyone loves to read a list because they think it’s shorter than a regular blog post (I’ll prove here how wrong of an assumption that is).
I’m running dry on ideas right about now, and my mind is already in Tahoe.  Four feet of fresh snow will do that.  I’m lacking inspiration so here’s my list.  It’s called “What does the average 29-year-old have on his recent google search history?”  Let’s see if I can come up with a good reason for why I searched each of these terms:

Oprah Winfrey – She was on Jimmy Kimmel the other night and I said she had “the eyes of a 70-year-old.”  She’s actually only 58.
how to sign over a check – I was in a high stakes poker game where either I or someone else had to sign over their whole paycheck to cover a bet.
cruise passed a building – This is my way of checking my grammar.  I was trying to figure out whether to write the word “passed” or “past” in a sentence.
twitter etiquette – I like to know the rules so I can break them.
Jonah Hill oscar date – Chalking this one up to the girlfriend hijacking the ipad.
Penis BBQ – We’re having a penis BBQ next Saturday and you’re all invited.  No, someone told me about a pretty amazing picture and you should check it out if you haven’t seen it yet
Life’s too short – was looking for a new TV show that’s on HBO.  Don’t worry, it’s not a sign of depression or anything.  That would be weird anyway, “life’s too friggen short.  this sucks.  I wonder if anyone else also thinks life’s too short.”
can you see jupiter tonight – I google this same sentence every night.  Never wanna miss out.
is hugo animated – it’s not, but someone challenged me on it.
theaters showing best picture – had the ridiculous thought to spend last Sunday watching as many best picture nominations in the theater before the Oscars…luckily only The Artist was playing.
ahi tuna overdose – OK, I added the “overdose” to this.  But if I had to OD on something…
obscure table tennis rules – Our ping pong tournament at the bachelor party got so competitive people were trying to pull out ancient rules on each other.
taking care of business – I’m stumped.
what should i wear to play paintball – I think this makes me look like a wuss.  In my defense, someone texted me saying they googled that to see if they needed to wear a cup so I got curious too.
roasted salsify – Was in over my head with a menu at a fancy restaurant.
lamb daube – The entire menu got me.
2011 final four teams – Obligatory daily sports look up.  You know you do this too.
wine glass that doesn’t spill – Sometimes I accidentally type my invention ideas into google instead of my notes app.
Daniel and Cody sprouse – girlfriend hijacking again
Disney show with twins – same
bat a mammal – random trivia
mini eggs – checking on the earliest possible day I could buy these in stores.
captain of 94 dallas stars – another day, another sports trivia question.
michelle tanner catch phrase – settled a Full House argument where someone thought one of Michelle’s catchphrases was NOT “Oh Puh-lease!”
baking soda heartburn – I can’t remember if I was checking to see if baking soda caused heartburn or cured it.
bridal shower gift ideas – You can never be too prepared.
shrimp pineapple fried rice – It turned out OK, a little mushy.
hunger games trailer – I’m actually taking a day off of work in three weeks to see this movie on its opening day.
snooki bikini photo – my bedtime viewing.  No, again, girlfriend hijacked.

And last, but certainly not least…

vaginal mesh implant – I’m speechless.  I don’t have the slightest clue why this is in here.  I wanna say someone forwarded me some link about this, or I was trying to research one of my customer’s businesses.  I dunno.  I feel dirty and uncomfortable.

Clearing my search history NOW.

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