Signing Up for Tough Mudder Really Means Signing Up for Enemas, Hypothermia and 3rd Degree Burns…I’m In

Am I crazy for trying to do a Tough Mudder event in February?

Before I ask that question, I should probably give you my credentials and then describe the Tough Mudder event.

My credentials: I have run one full Marathon and a handful of Half Marathons in the past. Everytime I’ve finished one of these events, though, I’ve been on the verge of hallucinating, collapsing or vomiting (or all three). I haven’t run farther than five miles in more than a year, and I now get “winded” walking one block to the fast food joint for my daily Milk Shake. As for the legendary staircase that I referenced in THIS BLOG, well, I can officially run up seven of the 280 stairs before keeling over.

Now here is how Tough Mudder is described on its website: “Tough Mudder events are hardcore 10-12 mile obstacle courses designed by British Special Forces to test your all around strength, stamina, mental grit, and camaraderie. With the most innovative courses…Tough Mudder is the premier adventure challenge series in the world.”

Let me try to further describe this event based on reviews I’ve been reading.

The 10-12 miles are usually setup on varying terrain, meaning plenty of hills to run. There are about 25 obstacles to conquer over those 12 miles. Here are some of the obstacles and their descriptions:

-Cliffhanger – Scale a 40-foot cliff of slippery mud angled at 45 degrees.

-Arctic Enema – Jump into a giant pool of ice and find the mental and physical strength to swim through the ice, under a wooden plank and pull yourself out on the other end before you become hypothermic.

-Fire Walker – You’ll be running through a trench of blazing, kerosene-soaked straw. You can expect flames at least 4 feet tall. While the flames might seem like the most intimidating aspect of this obstacle, participants often forget that with fire comes smoke. Take a deep breath before you enter this obstacle because believe us, you don’t want your lungs full of this thick smoke. Build up your lung capacity while training for Tough Mudder or you’ll be forced to inhale some nasty carcinogens.

-Electroshock Therapy – Sprint through a field of live wires—some carrying as much as 10,000 volts of electric shock. Watch out for hay bales and deep mud, or you will face-plant into some electrifying mud. You are guaranteed to get zapped with as much as 10,000 volts of electricity and it does NOT tickle. This is typically the last obstacle Mudders must overcome before they cross the finish line.

So if I’m able to run 12 miles while scaling an impossible cliff, avoiding hypothermia, and not setting myself on fire, then all I have to do is not pass out from being shocked by 10,000 volts over and over, and then I’ll be an official Tough Mudder?? Yeah, let me go ahead and sign that release of liability form right now.

In case you’re still not getting an idea of what this event is like, here’s the official highlight video:

In all seriousness, we are getting a team together for early February to do the Southern California event. Assuming I did a good job of selling people on how much fun this is going to be, send me a message if you’re interested in being part of Team Ross.

And finally, here’s a quick poll for my readers on my chances of succeeding in the Tough Mudder:

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3 thoughts on “Signing Up for Tough Mudder Really Means Signing Up for Enemas, Hypothermia and 3rd Degree Burns…I’m In

  1. After you complete a Tougher Mudder, I’ll be first to sign on for the Team Ross, Escape from Alcatraz Triathlon relay team

  2. We did one in May in VT. The obstacles and miles turn out to be the least of your concerns. It’s the constabt climbing up and down black diamonds (MT Snow) which sucked. Took us around 4 hrs. If your course is relatively flat, or not on a mountain, you should be relatively ok.

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