The Legendary ShitList Returns: Elevator Etiquette, Plane Deboarding Process, Socially Inept Adults

With the past six days being my college reunion/binge drinking/sleep deprivation vacation, I hardly feel like writing anything. And since I’m so overtired, the only thoughts going through my head are pissed off, negative ones. So what better time than now to rejuvenate an old favorite from my college blogging days…it’s time for Rmurdera’s ShitList.

What is a ShitList? Simply put: a list of pet peeves…things I currently hate or find obnoxious to the point of sending me on a profanity-laced tirade.

This week there are only three on the List:

3. Elevator Etiquette – How often do you try to get off an elevator and there’s a person trying to get on it who just barrels right into it without giving you a chance to exit? I swear this happens to me in seven out of every 10 elevator rides. It’s really ridiculous to have to explain to someone how the order of entering and exiting an elevator should go, right? Is it really elusive to some people that if you wanna get on an elevator and ride it somewhere, you need to let the person who’s already standing in the elevator off first? But here’s the thing: I don’t think people misunderstand these rules at all. I think most people are self-absorbed dickheads who are so wrapped up in their need to get somewhere quickly (or more likely mentally consumed by whatever is on their iPhone), that they lose all sense of being in a social environment where other people exist. I bet everyone who reads this and agrees that they’ve had people do this to them have also been culprits of doing it to others. Please do me a favor and when the elevator that you called for finally arrives, take two extra seconds to let the door completely open and see if there are people inside of it. If there are, I think you know what to do.

2. Going With the Flow in a Group Setting – Let’s say you were on vacation with a group of 10 people. And let’s say that at some point during this vacation the other nine people wanted to do something you didn’t really feel like doing…like maybe they wanted to play a board game. Wouldn’t you do one of two things—either suck it up and play the game, or go off quietly by yourself and read a book or watch a movie? Pretty logical I’d say. Or I’ll give you another scenario: You’ve suggested a game for the group to play and they’ve all agreed to play. But because it’s a large group, it’s naturally taking some time to organize everyone and get them all into the same room. Wouldn’t you show at least an ounce of patience and politely wait for them to finish what they’re doing? In both scenarios, “going with the flow” seems to be the right mantra. You know you’re in a large group and you can’t get your way exactly how you want it so a normal, well-adjusted person would simply go with the group flow. Apparently there’s a different school of thought that says if you don’t get your way you throw a tantrum and have a complete meltdown. I’m talking slamming doors, screaming at people, yelling that you “don’t tolerate stupidity,” and telling the group, “Now I know why they call them board games…because they’re fucking boring and you’re all a bunch of [expletive deleted] losers.” Seems like the type of person who should be isolated from the public, right? Or at the very least, someone who shouldn’t go on vacation with other people.

1). Plane Deboarding Etiquette – Since this might be slightly trickier than elevator etiquette, I’ll give the detailed breakdown (I’m being extremely sarcastic with that sentence. Plane deboarding is not trickier than getting on an elevator! It’s a simple “wait your turn” process.). When the plane has landed and the front door is open, you exit. But here’s the tricky part that most people don’t seem to grasp: You exit in an orderly fashion with Row 1 exiting first, then Row 2, then Row 3, and it progresses on a row-by-row basis from there. But aren’t there two Row 1’s, you might ask? Yes there are…one on the left side of the plane and one on the right side. Typically the rows are slightly staggered so that Row 1 on the left is slightly in front of Row 1 on the right. If that’s the case, then Row 1 left goes first. If they aren’t staggered, then each set of “competing” rows simply has to show some courtesy and decide who goes first. Sounds pretty straight forward, right? So why is this on my ShitList? Because people seem to think that since they are in an aisle seat and get to stand up in the aisle first when the deboarding begins, they can charge up the aisle and out of the plane ahead of the poor souls sitting in the window seats in rows ahead of them who haven’t had a chance to step into the aisle yet. There is nothing more frustrating to me than trying to get out of my row and into the aisle, only to have a bunch of assholes from the cluster of rows behind me trying to pass me. And when I say “assholes,” I’m talking about men, women, children, elderly people…anyone who does this move is a completely despicable human being. And no, men do not have to be gentlemen and let a woman go ahead of them if she’s out of order. There is no such thing as chivalry during the plane deboarding process. If you are with me on a plane and people start line-cutting like I described above, you better not get embarrassed easily because I love calling these people out and then “accidentally” ramming my carry-on bags into their legs as I follow them out of the plane.

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2 thoughts on “The Legendary ShitList Returns: Elevator Etiquette, Plane Deboarding Process, Socially Inept Adults

  1. I’m with you 100% on the plane deboarding thing but get a load of this one. Because there are no direct flights from Boston (or most other major airports) to Ft Walton Beach, FL, you have to connect in Altlanta, Charlotte, etc. Boston to Atlanta on Delta goes without a hitch with an hour & a half to get to your connecting gate for the remaining 1-hour flight to FL. You get to your gate with an hour to spare (it’s now 11:30 am) so you decide to grab a sandwich & beer at the xyz bar & grill 50 feet away from your gate. Whoops – it’s Sunday and you’re in the bible belt so no serving alcohol until 12:30pm. OK so we settle for a coke and make a mental note about avoiding Atlanta on Sunday mornings in the future. Now 15 minutes till liftoff we make the 50 foot walk to the gate and watch the attendant swipe the last 2 passengers’ (not counting us) boarding passes. As I step towards her with my boarding pass in my outstretched hand, she turns away, walks to the ramp door, turns back towards me and shouts “this flight is closed”, closes the door and proceeds to the plane.

    WTF I say to myself – now I remember why I haven’t flown DELTA in years. I collect myself as best I can and proceed to the Delta Customer Assistance counter which is luckily only 2 gates away. My turn to “ask for assistance” ??? comes and I explain what just happened. How stupid of me not to know that all flights are CLOSED 10 minutes before take-off. But I was trying to hand HER my boarding pass with 13 minutes to go I explain as I’m looking out the window at MY plane still connected to the passenger ramp. “Sorry sir, I’m only a customer service agent and there’s nothing I can do about it.” There are 6 more flights, each an hour apart to Ft Walton today, so he gives me 2 standby passes and politely tells me that all 6 flights are currently FULL !!!

    I walk away dazed and confused – I think I just got fucked by Delta in the bible belt. To add insult to injury, I still can’t get a real drink for 10 more minutes. Back in line, wait my turn, tell the bastard this is not acceptable – “get me on another carrier” today. “How about FIRST CLASS seats on a 3:30 flight to Pensacola”. FINE but hurry it up – NOW you’re wasting valuable drinking time. The rest of day one of our restful vacation was mostly uneventful other than arriving in Destin 6 hours later than we should have.

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