After last week’s successful rollout of “My Answers to First Date Conversation Starters,” I’m pleased to bring you round two. For those of you wondering why I’m continuing this series of posts, you have the 16 people who viewed last week’s post to thank. For those of you who didn’t read that first installment, I’m basically making a grab for more page views by droning on about topics that you might bring up on a first date. Let’s get right on with it:

1). Name five songs to which you know all the lyrics.

1. “Ice Ice Baby” (Vanilla Ice) – Learned all the lyrics to this one in 3rd grade with Matt Maguy because he was gonna help me sing it to Amber Donnelly. That was my grand plan for getting a 10-year-old girl to like me back then…sing “Ice Ice Baby” in the school parking lot with my best friend. Luckily we never went through with it.
2. “The Star-Spangled Banner” (Francis Scott Key?) – No excuses not to know this one if you’re an American.
3. “Nuthin’ But a ‘G’ Thang” (Dr. Dre/Snoop Dogg) – This song is now 20 years old and I think I’ve known every lyric since the beginning.
4. “Send Me An Angel” (Real Life) – The best song from the best ’80s movie, Rad. If you haven’t seen Cru Jones do his bicycle boogie with Lori Loughlin to this song at the town dance, please go find a way to rent or buy Rad and watch it right now. Your appreciation for implausible, gravity-defying dance routines will be at an all-time high.
5. “I’ll Make Love To You” (Boyz II Men) – I’m not sure how this happened, but this song has morphed into “the song everyone assumes Ross and his friends wanna sing whenever there’s a karaoke machine around.” I’m not denying it. But I just don’t remember ever telling anyone that this was my go-to karaoke jam.

2). What movies have made you cry, if any?

“Faith Rewarded: The Historic Season of the 2004 Boston Red Sox”…I’m dead serious. I wish I could tell you there were more movies that made me cry, but unlike certain people who cry at every sappy movie or even sappy commercials (“cough” my girlfriend, “cough cough” my sister-in-law), movies and TV shows just don’t get me like that.

3). What did you think was “cool” when you were around 8 years old? 

Serenading my crush with rap songs in the school parking lot.

4). What’s your biggest food-related triumph?

That’s a tough one. I’ve thrown up multiple times from eating too much ice cream or pulled pork, so it could possibly be one of those instances. But actually there was this time in Montreal when me and three high school friends were at one of the friend’s parent’s house and we decided to cook a 40-count package of corn dogs. These weren’t mini-dogs; they were full size. We at the whole thing between four of us. And I’m one of those people who always eats more than his allotted share when it comes to splitting food among a group. I must have had 12 or 13 corn dogs that day. I’ll let you make your own conclusions as to what kind of substances we were under the influence of at the time (I’ll give you a hint: the corn dog eating came right after we passed around a fake glow-in-the-dark ball while listening and dancing to techno music in this guy’s backyard).

5). Would you ever want to know the future? Why or why not?

I shouldn’t have to explain why my answer is Yes to this, but I will. You see, I post at least two blogs per week that talk exclusively about sports gambling. In the sports betting world, anyone who hits 60% of their bets is looked at as a genius. Imagine the fame, power and most importantly, money I would have if I knew the future? I could stop pretending like I want to make a living as a writer and simply gamble more. By the way, anyone who answers no to this question is a liar and an idiot. There are both admirable and selfish reasons for wanting to know the future, and not a single person in the world would decline that power.

6). Do you want children?

I only posted this question so I could ask my readers a follow up question. If I was on a first date and a woman asked me this question, how do you think she’d react after I gave her the five-minute breakdown of my “adopting a 17-year-old” theory that I blogged about a while back? Would she think I was joking or just psychotic? Also, how psychotic is it of someone to ask this question on a first date anyway? If she’s asking me about kids on date one, I’m happy to scare her off with my adoption scam.

7). What was your biggest accomplishment before you turned 13?

Accepting the fact that girls are not impressed by your ability to sing rap songs in the school parking lot while your best friend acts as your back-up dancer.

Those are all the questions I could handle for today. Assuming I get another 16 or so page views, I’ll be back with installment three soon.