Bob Costas is Literally Murdering the London Olympics

I promised myself I wouldn’t “live blog” the Olympics, but I just couldn’t help myself.

The broadcast for the Opening Ceremony just kicked off (7:30pm Pacific), and we’re live with Bob Costas and Tom Brokaw to ring in the festivities. Everyone’s excited, looking forward to a fun 17 days…I’m sure Costas is going to build upon that excitement….no, wait…he opens the broadcast by talking about terrorism and London’s potential lack of preparation against deadly threats. I’m sure he’s just getting that elephant in the room out of the way; he’s gotta move on to happier topics after this…no, wait a minute, now he’s talking about how horrible the economy is in London and asking Brokaw if the Olympics will possibly jumpstart such a bad economic condition.

OK…NOW he’s gotta move on to positive storylines. Wait, what’s that, Bob? The weather in London has been terrible, the rainiest June in history and as of a few days ago they were worried about being able to have the events go off as scheduled? AND you felt the need to reference when the Germans were occupying London during World War II?

Jesus Christ, Bob, what the hell did London ever do to you?

Thankfully they just flipped it over to Matt Lauer and Meredith Vieira, who have got to be able to do a better job.  Wait, actually it seems like they just wanna say funny English words back and forth like the “tele” (telly?) and “queuing.” They also felt the need to mention that London couldn’t possibly top the Opening Ceremonies of Beijing from four years ago.

Good times and positive vibes from the entire NBC crew.

Pop the Champagne! Will Blog For Food is Officially All Over the Map!

Today we achieved an important landmark on the WBFF blog.  I say “we” because this wouldn’t be possible without all my readers.  I could write the most brilliant blogs on the internet—which I do—and you could completely ignore them—which sometimes, actually, you do.

Nevertheless, today we crossed the 3,500 all-time views mark on the blog, but more importantly, we have our first month of 1,000+ views (and June is only two-thirds over)!

Traffic on the blog is moving in the right direction; ever since I quit my job I’ve been posting more frequently; and we even have a regular guest blogger on board to discuss the world’s most obscure sports.  The WBFF blog is alive and well.

As far as the geographic breakdown of my readers, 77% of the views come from the U.S.  This means that I have a 23% international reader rate, which is the 7th-highest international rate among U.S.-based blogs that have been on the internet less than six months and are run by an unemployed 29-year-old (proof of this stat is not currently available).

WBFF has gotten views in a whopping 47 different countries over its lifetime.  47!  I wouldn’t have even been able to name 27 countries before looking at the list.  As expected, most of the English-speaking countries are on board (Canada, UK, Australia), but I’m amazed by the obscure countries that are logging on to check out my work…some of them I never would have guessed even have internet or computers.  Check out the list:

United Arab Emirates?  Sri Lanka?  Montenegro?  Kuwait?  Where are these countries even located?  And is Bosnia and Herzegovina one place?  Or should I be counting it as two countries?

By the way, great job hardly contributing, Mexico, “neighbor to the South.”  Jesus, I live like 150 miles away from Mexico, and all they can do is clock in with three total views in almost five months.  Guess I won’t be scheduling a Mexico stop on my first book tour.

So here’s the deal, loyal readers: I’ll keep pumping out mind-blowing blog posts, adding guest bloggers that have something interesting to say, and tackling any topic I think I know something about.  All I need in return is for you to keep reading, spreading the word to your friends when you think something is funny or interesting, and giving me feedback on things you wish I’d discuss more (or things you want me to never discuss again).  Deal?

Oh, and Mexico, blow me, seriously.

WBFF is taking over the world and becoming a corporate rebel at the same time

Looks like the orange team is winning this game of Risk

When gauging the success of a blog, there are only two metrics any blogger really cares about, and one of them is “world dominance.”  While the risk board above isn’t completely color-coded just yet, it’s only a matter of time.  First America, then Canada, then my favorite countries from across the pond, the UK, France and the Netherlands (only my favorite because they show up on this map) and finally to the far reaches of the earth, Australia and New Zealand.  This has all happened in only two months.  Simply amazing.  I don’t really understand why Mexico and South America haven’t jumped on board yet, but screw ’em.  We’ll all be laughing at them months from now when they’re trying to catch up on my award-winning Valentine’s Day blog and Lent blog.  My ultimate goal is to have Antarctica show up on this map.  I’ve learned from Frozen Planet that no one lives on Antarctica, but I don’t think it’s too much to ask a scientist to travel there and get the WBFF blog up on his iPhone, is it?

The other metric that bloggers like me care about is “the corporate IT blocking rate.”  Over the life of this blog, I’ve heard stories about people trying to access it only to see some corporate bullshit message about denying entry to the site due to internal IT policy.  Only now do I finally have proof that this has been happening  (see picture below).  And I couldn’t be prouder of myself.  This blog prides itself on being racy, risque and not-safe-for-work, and I’m glad we’re doing a good job with that…actually, I can’t imagine what sort of content in this blog is causing IT departments to block it.  Is it the threats of buying part of the Cadbury company so I can make mini-eggs year round?  Is it taking a poll on what people would do if they won the Mega Millions that’s making them squirm?  It’s probably the one mention of vaginal mesh implants…I knew that would come back to haunt me.  Either way, I’m just proud that my “little engine that could” blog is even hitting the radar of an IT department.

Like I already said, that’s how I know I’ve made it to the Big Leagues.  Keep on spreading the WBFF goodness, loyal readers, and I’ll keep making you piss yourselves with delight.