Second Interactive Post of the Week: Most Popular and Least Popular Blog Topics

For the second time this week, the WBFF blog is running a reader trivia game. Unlike the “Around the Clock” post, there will be no prize awarded…this is more of a poll to see if the popular answer matches up with the facts.

This blog has been in business for about seven months, and we’ve gotten nearly 6,000 total hits. The Word Press website breaks down the stats so I can see which individual blog posts have gotten the most hits. I’m curious to see which post my readers think has been the most read and which post has been the least read. Keep in mind that random google searches play a role in this so the posts that had topics of mass appeal are likely to get extra views.

You know what? While we’re at it, let’s throw in a third bonus poll. Let’s see if my readers can guess which country has clicked on my blog the most, not counting the “Big Four” (US, UK, Canada, Australia).

Below are the polls for your consideration.

And for those who submit a response to these polls and for the people who replied to the “Around the Clock” trivia post, I’ll be posting the correct answers by the end of the week.

Pop the Champagne! Will Blog For Food is Officially All Over the Map!

Today we achieved an important landmark on the WBFF blog.  I say “we” because this wouldn’t be possible without all my readers.  I could write the most brilliant blogs on the internet—which I do—and you could completely ignore them—which sometimes, actually, you do.

Nevertheless, today we crossed the 3,500 all-time views mark on the blog, but more importantly, we have our first month of 1,000+ views (and June is only two-thirds over)!

Traffic on the blog is moving in the right direction; ever since I quit my job I’ve been posting more frequently; and we even have a regular guest blogger on board to discuss the world’s most obscure sports.  The WBFF blog is alive and well.

As far as the geographic breakdown of my readers, 77% of the views come from the U.S.  This means that I have a 23% international reader rate, which is the 7th-highest international rate among U.S.-based blogs that have been on the internet less than six months and are run by an unemployed 29-year-old (proof of this stat is not currently available).

WBFF has gotten views in a whopping 47 different countries over its lifetime.  47!  I wouldn’t have even been able to name 27 countries before looking at the list.  As expected, most of the English-speaking countries are on board (Canada, UK, Australia), but I’m amazed by the obscure countries that are logging on to check out my work…some of them I never would have guessed even have internet or computers.  Check out the list:

United Arab Emirates?  Sri Lanka?  Montenegro?  Kuwait?  Where are these countries even located?  And is Bosnia and Herzegovina one place?  Or should I be counting it as two countries?

By the way, great job hardly contributing, Mexico, “neighbor to the South.”  Jesus, I live like 150 miles away from Mexico, and all they can do is clock in with three total views in almost five months.  Guess I won’t be scheduling a Mexico stop on my first book tour.

So here’s the deal, loyal readers: I’ll keep pumping out mind-blowing blog posts, adding guest bloggers that have something interesting to say, and tackling any topic I think I know something about.  All I need in return is for you to keep reading, spreading the word to your friends when you think something is funny or interesting, and giving me feedback on things you wish I’d discuss more (or things you want me to never discuss again).  Deal?

Oh, and Mexico, blow me, seriously.

Adventures in Relocating: Why? Why Now? and other FAQ’s

I’ll try to tackle just a few of the basic questions you might have about my plan to relocate to LA.  For this specific post, let’s just address the broad questions that everyone seems to have.  Some of you have probably already heard a bunch of these answers, but keep reading anyway.  It’s not like you have something better to do with your time.

1). Why LA?

Whenever I get this question, it’s accompanied by a disgusted look on the asker’s face.  What that person is really asking is, “Why would you move to a city that’s best known for its traffic problems and the fake, superficial, self-centered bastards who live there?”  Good question.  And those who know me well could also add in, “Why are you moving to a city you’ve never even been to?”  Again, great question.  The answer is because I want to be a writer in the entertainment industry.  Look, if my passion in life was to be a woodworker in Santa’s workshop, I’d be moving to the North Pole.  And if my passion was taffy-making, I’d be on my way to York Beach, Maine.  If those are your passions, you need to be in the places where you’ll have the best chance to get your foot in the door (as a side note, being a woodworker for Santa and being a taffy maker were my 2 passions up until the age of 16).  With entertainment, LA is where I need to be.

2). What makes you think you can succeed in the entertainment industry?

Well, you’re reading this blog right now, aren’t you?  Also, I think I’m a natural born storyteller.  I remember being picked for the role of “narrator” when my fifth grade class performed Aladdin…though in hindsight that might have been because when I tried out for the role of Aladdin, I kept getting a boner every time Princess Jasmine talked to me. And I also remember a priest at Church telling me I should be a lector (I think that means someone who reads the Bible stories during Mass) because I had storytelling talent…thinking back to that now, there’s a 100% chance he was just saying that so I’d let him take a closer look at what Princess Jasmine did not want to look at.

(Side Note: Have you seen the shit that gets made into TV shows or movies these days?  C’mon, this is gonna be a piece of cake.)

3). What specifically do you want to do in entertainment?

Writing scripts for porn seems to be my calling, but I’m wide open to any type of writing that’s considered entertainment.  No, really it’s all about comedy writing for me.  Right now that makes me think script writing for TV or movies, as well as sketch comedy…think SNL, the late night talk shows, Daily Show, etc.  But if someone wanted to pay me to write quasi-funny blog posts, that would be cool too.

4). OK, script writing.  Do you have any experience whatsoever doing that?

Depends on your definition of the word “experience.”  If experience to you means writing a couple of TV scripts more than two years ago, and then doing nothing more since, then yes, I have a TON of experience.  I also took an online class two years ago through the Gotham Writers’ Workshop that tried to teach me how to write a funny TV script.  I even got a group of friends together to do a table reading of my script.  I realized the script was no good when my drunk buddy drawing fake abs on himself with a marker got bigger laughs than any part of my story.  So no, I don’t have a ton of experience writing and completing scripts, but man, if you could only see my Google Docs account with all of my brilliant ideas…

5). Why not continue writing in your free time in San Francisco so you can keep a full time job?

That would make sense, wouldn’t it?  Rather than go to LA with no job and no experience, maybe I should have waited until I could complete a few more scripts in my free time.  The problem is I’m just not wired that way.  I can’t stare at a computer screen for 45-50 hours a week at my job and then come home and write until I go to bed.  The reason I was able to complete two scripts in 2010 is because I was unemployed during that time.  In the two years since then while having a full time job, I’ve written no scripts.  I’ve launched three different blogs with varying degrees of failure, but I really haven’t put enough time into writing.  I actually just counted the number of books on my bookshelf where screenwriting is the primary topic…I have 18 of them.  It’s time to stop reading books, stop writing down the next great idea, and just write.  Write until enough people tell me I’m horrible or until I’m on the verge of homelessness.

6). When did you know you were going to make this move?

I think it all began when I was about 12 years old and tried to watch the movie Fantasia.  I thought, “You gotta be fucking kidding me…a whole movie with Mickey Mouse and no sound?  This isn’t entertainment.  I need to fix this industry.”

More recently I’m pretty sure I knew during those unemployed days of 2010 that I eventually had to give this a try.  I would have done it right then, but I was out of money after screwing around for four months in Europe and Australia.  But if you’re asking when did I specifically know that I would be making this move in June 2012, then I’d have to say it came on November 3rd, 2011.  I know it was that date because it says so in my diary.  And that was the day I had jury duty.  I remember sitting in that courtroom praying that I’d get picked to be on the jury for a six-day trial so I wouldn’t have to go to work.  That’s when it all came together. Why would I stay at a job that makes me want to be at jury duty instead of working?  After that it was simply a matter of calculating how many more months I’d need to work to save up the right amount of money for my journey.

7). Is there anything you wouldn’t do to break into the industry?

Blowjobs.  Handjobs, yes; blowjobs, no.

Well that’s all the time we have today.  I hope you all learned something, and I’ll be back with more next week.

WBFF is taking over the world and becoming a corporate rebel at the same time

Looks like the orange team is winning this game of Risk

When gauging the success of a blog, there are only two metrics any blogger really cares about, and one of them is “world dominance.”  While the risk board above isn’t completely color-coded just yet, it’s only a matter of time.  First America, then Canada, then my favorite countries from across the pond, the UK, France and the Netherlands (only my favorite because they show up on this map) and finally to the far reaches of the earth, Australia and New Zealand.  This has all happened in only two months.  Simply amazing.  I don’t really understand why Mexico and South America haven’t jumped on board yet, but screw ’em.  We’ll all be laughing at them months from now when they’re trying to catch up on my award-winning Valentine’s Day blog and Lent blog.  My ultimate goal is to have Antarctica show up on this map.  I’ve learned from Frozen Planet that no one lives on Antarctica, but I don’t think it’s too much to ask a scientist to travel there and get the WBFF blog up on his iPhone, is it?

The other metric that bloggers like me care about is “the corporate IT blocking rate.”  Over the life of this blog, I’ve heard stories about people trying to access it only to see some corporate bullshit message about denying entry to the site due to internal IT policy.  Only now do I finally have proof that this has been happening  (see picture below).  And I couldn’t be prouder of myself.  This blog prides itself on being racy, risque and not-safe-for-work, and I’m glad we’re doing a good job with that…actually, I can’t imagine what sort of content in this blog is causing IT departments to block it.  Is it the threats of buying part of the Cadbury company so I can make mini-eggs year round?  Is it taking a poll on what people would do if they won the Mega Millions that’s making them squirm?  It’s probably the one mention of vaginal mesh implants…I knew that would come back to haunt me.  Either way, I’m just proud that my “little engine that could” blog is even hitting the radar of an IT department.

Like I already said, that’s how I know I’ve made it to the Big Leagues.  Keep on spreading the WBFF goodness, loyal readers, and I’ll keep making you piss yourselves with delight.